Summary

(2:08) How lockdown 2.0 is affecting Trish’s work schedule and life generally

• The 18 ‘ 25 seem to be the most affected age group right now

• Interesting work with couples

(3:10) Her route into psychotherapy

• Former probation officer

• Seeking more long-term impact with people who wanted to change

(4:26) The role or purpose of a psychotherapist today

• Women more likely to have therapy than men

• Having a safe place to ‘download’

(6:21) The role of routine in psychotherapy

• Helpful to have a contact

• Learning to create your own tools and resources

(8:58) Common problems with communication

• Issues with communication stems from fear

• Learning to ‘put up a front’

(10:58) The power of words

• Externalisation: it’s not you

• Renaming nightmares

(12:37) What are the main issues couples tend to present at counselling?

• Setting high expectations from your partner

• Loss of romance and sexual connection

• Using unhelpful language like ‘giving’ or ‘taking’

• Protecting each other by not bringing up topics

(15:23) How couples and families can cope and give each other space when they’re in lockdown

• Expressing anxiety by seeking comfort and reassurance, or by needing to be on their own

• Understand how people express their anxiety

• ‘Don’t judge your relationship on this time’

(18:13) About her new book ‘#Love: 21st Century Relationships’

• The reasons behind breakups

• Practical advice for all people

• Writing about sex and porn in an ordinary way

(20:00) Why we need to be our whole ourselves before we enter a healthy relationship

• Your partner isn’t responsible for fixing you

• Long-term relationships stretch people

• Making a decision and sticking to it

(22:18) Life-lessons from failed relationships

• ‘It takes a healthy person to want to be in a relationship’

• Willingness to take risks

• Instead of blaming yourself, learn from the experience

• ‘We need friendships, we need relationships’

(24:18) Having good judgement in assessing a potential partner

• Listening to reliable people around you

• Embody self-awareness

• Listening to your excuses

(25:47) We change ourselves, not our partner

• Making it possible for other people to help out

(27:11) Acting confident vs being confident

• We all start self-confident as babies

• Confidence gets blocked over time

• Find the blocks and let go

• Fear of being found out

• Overcome one small fear a day, with communication

(30:00) How confronting our small fears helps us overcome our biggest fears

• We get too frozen when it’s too big

• Through practice you get better at overcoming fears

• Fear governs your conversations so much

(32:41) How children choose friendships

• Kindness equation

• Things need to be fair

• Small things over big gestures

(35:52) Advice for online daters during a pandemic

• Chance for more conversations

• ‘Meeting Your Match’ by Daisy Buchanan

• Age is no limit

(38:34) Having a long-distance relationship

• Common to fight when finally meeting each other

• Maintain the regular connection

• ‘Fighting is a form of intimacy’

• Building up expectations

(41:52) Using the pandemic as an opportunity

• Reduced external pressures

(43:10) Healthy couple habits

• Simple gestures like welcoming them home and having hugs

(46:04) Why we seek long-term, stable relationships

• Studies show people live longer and have higher levels of happiness if they’re in long-term a relationship

• ‘It takes evolved people to stay and be successful in a relationship’

• It’s developmental

• In the UK, up to 40% of people live alone

• Living alone for too long can be detrimental

(48:06) Choosing to be single

• People can be lonely in relationships, and love being on their own

(50:05) Why people stay in abusive relationships

• ‘The person who’s being abusive, that’s not the whole of them’

• Responding to the abuser’s vulnerability

• Getting stuck in patterns

• The false belief that you can change them; they have to do it themselves

• You’re at your most vulnerable when you’re about to leave

(52:57) Dealing with turmoil and heartbreak

• It’s grief and loss

• ‘It’s takes much longer than you think’

• Healing comes from a small, trusting group around you

(54:32) Loss of physical love in happy long-term relationships

• It needs to be addressed

• Sex and intimacy can stop at a number of times

• Often point of total commitment that it stops, such as marriage

• It comes from habit

• ‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you’

• False fear of talking about it kills the passion

• It takes homework and commitment

• Can lead to affairs

(57:09) Reasons why people cheat and have affairs

• To make their partner ‘fight for’ them

• Mid-life crisis

• It can lead to destructive blame-games

(59:25) When should relationship education, including sex education, start? And for a parent what is the best approach?

• We’re afraid for our children

• ‘The best thing you can do for your child is to have reasonable relationship skills’

• Sex education needs to be taught young

• Young people want to learn how to get into a relationship

• Create possibilities for discussion, not teach it

(1:02:29) School’s role in teaching students practical habits to safeguard their mental health and well-being

• Teenagers are very resilient

• Increase in depression and anxiety in this age group

• The government’s framework for mental health and suicide prevention

(1:05:25) Does a lack of social life stunt a teenager’s growth into adulthood?

• Danger of normalising being in your room the whole day

• Increase in social anxiety

• Lots of work will need to be done

(1:09:02) Advice to parents for their kids during lockdown

• Listen, not talk

• ‘You can’t fix everything’

• Teenagers retreat when they’re at home

• Be more tolerant

(1:11:37) ‘Psychological flexibility’ instead of ‘resilience’

• Words can be great to express ourselves, but they can be limiting

• ‘Resilience’ can be binary

(1:12:51) The importance of attitude

• It’s hard to change our habits, but it’s easy to change our attitude

• ‘The Monday morning’ attitude

• Attitude influences everything that we do

• It’s a choice

(1:14:59) Key takeaways from Trish’s first book ‘The Challenge of Retirement’

• Retirement opens up doors

• ‘You have to practise now what you want to be good at’

• What’s your identity for when you’re retired?

• Interviewing her retired parents about their sex life

• You are more than your job

(1:18:33) The impact on society as people are living longer and working longer

• 65 ‘ 75 year olds rate themselves as the happiest across the world

(1:19:40) Reinventing yourself at retirement

• Retirement is rarely discussed

• Women traditionally go through more identity changes than men

• Making your life meaningful

(1:21:42) The role of a growth mindset during retirement

• It’s not for everyone

• Self-awareness and reflection

(1:23:14) Representing and promoting mental health awareness and psychotherapy in the Irish media

• Radio is the most intimate way

• The need to have conversations

• It makes a difference to people