How to Earn Respect as a New Manager

Introduction

Stepping into a managerial role for the first time is both an exciting and challenging experience. The transition from being an employee to leading a team can be daunting, especially when your authority is questioned. New managers often struggle with balancing likability and respect, setting the right tone for leadership, and dealing with employees who may not take them seriously. As McKinsey senior partner Lareina Yee aptly puts it: “Respect and likability are not the same thing” –– but many new managers end up confusing the two [1]. So, how do you earn respect as a new manager?

Emphasis on the earn

One of the biggest misconceptions new managers have is that respect comes automatically with the title. As Lisa Parker, an executive coach, president of Heads Up Coaching, and author of Managing the Moment: A Leader’s Guide to Building Executive Presence One Interaction at a Time, explains: “Respect is something that must be earned. It is not awarded automatically when someone gets promoted to manager or gets a little gray at the temples” [2]. Instead, managers gain respect by demonstrating trustworthiness, credibility, and humanity.

That said, respect is also not earned by status-play histrionics; just because you’re higher on the corporate ladder than your employees doesn’t mean you should treat them poorly or give off an aura of superiority. Insecure managers often fall into a ‘who shouts leads’ model of leadership, relying on aggression or the authority afforded by their title rather than the validity of their points or ideas. Treating employees as inferiors is not going to win you any popularity contests, and it’s not going to get the best performance out of your team either.

Set high standards

Employees look to managers for guidance and inspiration. “If you want to earn respect, you can’t settle for mediocrity in yourself or in your staff,” says Lynn Taylor, workplace expert and author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job [3]. This means leading by example — whether in work ethic, professionalism, or decision-making. If you want your team to have values, demonstrate those values yourself. If the team is up against it on a big deadline and you want them working late, you better be there with them. Cliches are cliches for a reason, and that of “don’t ask your team to do anything you wouldn’t do yourself” is a justified one.

Communicate

Respect is built on clear, honest communication. Speaking to Forbes, Bob Lee, a New York-based executive coach and management consultant, emphasises that “most employees want fairness, consistency, a chance to be heard, clear direction, and adequate support” [4]. Managers who communicate frequently and honestly build trust within their teams. Those who obfuscate or try to use manipulative motivation tactics tend to burn through goodwill fast.

Shweta Khare, a job search expert, agrees. “Developing excellent communication skills is a key to successful leadership and to earning respect from others,” she says [5]. Being transparent about expectations, company goals, and performance feedback ensures that employees feel valued and understood. Employees want to feel they have a purpose; shared goals are an excellent way to give them one.

Balance authority with approachability

Being approachable is crucial, but new managers often struggle with finding the right balance –– how do you make sure you’re not tipping too far in the direction of ‘friend’ rather than ‘boss’? “Leading with likability is just going to get you in trouble,” warns Amy Bernstein of Harvard Business Review’s On Leadership podcast [6]. “You have to recognise that making people like you doesn’t win anything…being respected is not being liked necessarily. You better ask yourself what you care about more.”

This likeability tradeoff can be especially difficult for managers who were promoted from within. People who were once their colleagues, maybe even their friends, are now their staff –– the dynamic shift can be uncomfortable. How best to handle this will depend on each unique situation and likely each unique relationship. Only you know how close you were to your colleagues before and how your hierarchical jump may affect them. You don’t want them to treat you the same as before, or else you risk sacrificing respect and credibility. That said, you also don’t want to be the person that became a monster once they got their own office. The best outcome requires balance.

Equally, managers should always remain open to input. A vice president interviewed by Forbes described her respect for her senior vice president boss: “I would walk on hot coals for that man.” Why? “Because he treated her as an equal with regard to thought partnership: he sought her advice and followed it, and he included her in meetings where she could add value regardless of her level or functional expertise” [7]. Just because you’re the boss doesn’t mean you have all the best ideas. Listen to others and support them. You’re only as good as your team.

Demonstrate fairness and integrity

Fairness and integrity are essential for earning respect. Employees want to work for a leader they can trust. As Bob Lee points out, “Titles and formal authority can wear out quickly if there is little or no desire to follow a manager’s leadership” [8].

One of the best ways to establish credibility is to ensure that every team member is treated fairly. This means acknowledging contributions, setting realistic expectations, and providing constructive feedback. It also means avoiding favouritism or micromanagement, which can quickly erode trust. Think of a leader you trusted and respected. What about them made you such a fan? Can you emulate their traits in your new role?

Make tough decisions

Respect is often earned through difficult decisions. “The most respected managers are those who see problems as opportunities and are undeterred by setbacks,” says Taylor [9]. Whether it’s making a strategic shift or handling underperformance, leaders must show decisiveness.

However, tough decisions should always be made with fairness and transparency. Taylor advises managers to “never meet your needs at their expense. For instance, you should never take credit for your employees’ work” [10]. Being ethical in decision-making ensures long-term credibility.

Recognise your team

A common reason employees lose respect for their managers is a lack of appreciation. “There are numerous research studies that demonstrate that good people most often leave good jobs because of bad managers –– and not because of pay, duties, title, etc.,” notes Parker. “Managers who do not express appreciation or regard for the people on their team will quickly lose the respect of that team; morale will devolve and the best people will leave, because they can” [11]. A simple “thank you” or public recognition for a job well done can go a long way in building goodwill and loyalty.

Parker advises managers to praise publicly, punish privately. Employees need to feel valued, and public recognition enhances morale. However, when corrections are needed, these conversations should be handled discreetly and constructively.

Be vulnerable

Many first-time managers feel pressure to have all the answers, but vulnerability can be a strength. “By showing that you are capable of making mistakes, you allow others to see that you’re human and approachable,” says Taylor [12]. Acknowledging when you don’t know something or when you’ve made an error fosters a culture of trust.

On a recent episode, co-host of HBR’s On Leadership podcast Kelsey Alpaio recalled her early managerial struggles: “I was almost ashamed of the fact that I felt like I wasn’t good at being a manager, and so I didn’t talk about it and I didn’t go to anyone. I think that made it so much harder for my boss to intervene. It made it so much harder for my peers to help me make that transition. And being honest with yourself and with them can go a really long way” [13]. Seeking mentorship, gathering feedback, and being open to growth can make a significant difference. Your team knows you’re human. There’s no point in pretending otherwise.

Consider biases

According to the 2022 Women in the Workplace report, for every 100 men promoted to management, only 87 women and 82 women of color achieve the same advancement [14]. This shows that structural biases exist in the workplace, making it even more critical for underrepresented groups to establish their credibility early on. Not all of that burden should fall on their shoulders –– employees should be treating their boss with due respect regardless of their race or gender. That said, if you are a new boss from a minority background, there are some elements that are within your control, such as not going out of your way to appease any staff who aren’t giving you the respect you’ve earned simply because of your background. You should work on removing any internal self-doubts. Understand that you’re the boss because you’ve earned it. Embody that, soon others will acknowledge it too.

Bernstein reflects on a moment when, relatively early into her new role as a manager, her authority was questioned: “I had people reporting to me, who had been my peers and who were my friends, they were the people I had lunch with every day, who didn’t respect my approaches, who would ignore it when I’d say, “Let’s do it this way, not that way.” And [they would] run around me to my boss” [15]. She said her boss tried to be an ally, but ultimately she ended up leaving that role. For the boss in question, it’s a difficult situation: do you get involved, potentially undermining the person you’re trying to help by making it look like they need you to fight their battles for them, or do you do nothing and allow someone you’ve appointed as manager to be undermined? There’s probably a middle ground. Regardless, it’s imperative you offer to support the manager in question, even if that doesn’t involve active intervention. Simply being there and letting them know you’re with them may be enough.

How to earn respect as a new manager

Ultimately, earning respect as a manager is about authenticity. Employees respect leaders who are real, fair, and competent. “Your competence, your candor, your openness to new ideas. Maybe it’s the fact that you don’t embrace the hierarchy, you treat everyone with respect and as an equal. I think that if you communicate all of that, you will win respect,” says Bernstein [16].

New managers should focus on demonstrating trust, setting high standards, and maintaining clear communication. By leading with integrity and prioritising their team’s well-being, they can create an environment where respect is mutual — and lasting.