Avoiding Toxic Positivity
Introduction
We’ve all either experienced a toxic workplace first hand or have a clear idea in our minds of what it entails. Screaming bosses, excessive hours, harsh feedback and a general atmosphere in which people feel too afraid to make a mistake or raise a concern for fear of being excoriated in front of their peers. It exists and it’s horrible, but it’s not the only form of toxicity that can appear in the workplace…
Amidst the cultural shifts away from the more traditional brand of toxicity noted above, the trend towards a kinder, more positive outlook has been championed and adopted in the workforce and beyond. That, of course, is a good thing –– mostly. But over the past few years there’s been a growing sense that that positive approach can occasionally go too far in what has been termed “toxic positivity”. It may sound oxymoronic to lump those words together, and yet I imagine most readers can immediately envisage the type of behaviour it involves –– most of us have been on the receiving end of it at one point or another. A rampant, relentless positivity that is devoid of reality and refuses to engage with life’s real and necessary struggles is a hindrance more than it’s a help, and can be just as stifling as its opposite number.
In this article, we will explain what positivity is, how it affects individuals and the workplace more broadly, and what businesses can do to ensure that their office is not toxic in a negative or positive way.
What is toxic positivity?
The BBC defines toxic positivity as “the assumption that we should always have a positive outlook, even if we are in emotional or physical pain. It is the unrealistic idea that acting more positive and happy will make us feel better. But in reality, it’s a way of shutting down our very real and human feelings and can often make us feel worse.” [1] There is a stark difference between having a positive attitude –– which is encouraged –– and allowing that positivity to become toxic. As grief expert David Kessler puts it, “Toxic positivity is positivity given in the wrong way, in the wrong dose, at the wrong time.” [2] This form of positivity “rejects all difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful and often falsely positive façade.” [3]
It’s something we’ve all experienced –– that person who tells you to simply “cheer up” in the wake of genuinely upsetting conditions, or that “everything happens for a reason” while you are in the process of working through a job loss, financial troubles or in the throes of grief. These people are (mostly) trying to help, but there’s a minimisation of the reality of the situation that is unhelpful. We cannot simply hope that adopting a positive attitude will dissolve our problems away, rather we have to acknowledge and work through them. As the gratitude researcher Robert Emmons of UC Davis writes, “To deny that life has its share of disappointments, frustrations, losses, hurts, setbacks, and sadness would be unrealistic and untenable. Life is suffering. No amount of positive thinking exercises will change this truth” [4]. Or, to quote an unlikely source in the new Nosferatu film: “If we are to tame darkness, we must first face that it exists.” [5]
That line may have been written for a piece of vampiric fiction, but it has a basis in science too. A 2018 University of Toronto and Berkeley study found that the more we accept our negative emotions, the more beneficial it is to our mental health. Through laboratory, diary and longitudinal studies, they concluded that acknowledging our feelings reduces distress and anxiety symptoms [6]. Meanwhile bottling those feelings up has the opposite effect. “Think of emotions as a closed circuit,” says Natalie Dattilo, a clinical psychologist at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston and instructor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. “They have to go somewhere, so they come back up, like Whac-A-Mole.” [7]
Studies have even shown that those who suppress their feelings have a higher risk of developing substance abuse problems [8]. These negative emotions exist and need an outlet; if we don’t provide one, they may seek a darker solution.
The impact of toxic positivity
Toxic positivity is prevalent in modern workplace culture and indeed in all of society. In a Science of People study, 67.8% of respondents said they had experienced toxic positivity from someone in the past week [9]. This is especially troubling given the effects on the recipients of that toxicity can be profound.
Receiving toxic positivity often results in feelings of shame, as people come to feel that their emotions are invalid and that they are wrong to be feeling them. It also causes feelings of guilt by creating an idea that there is a positive in the situation that the person struggling is simply failing to find –– it places the burden on the sufferer to simply feel better irrespective of the problem they are going through. Susan David, a psychologist and consultant at McLean Hospital in Massachusetts and the author of Emotional Agility, argues that those who opt for the “cheer up”/”it happened for a reason”/”look on the bright side” variety of positivity are partaking in a form of gaslighting. “You basically are saying to someone that my comfort in this situation is more important than your reality”, she says. [10]
It is also an avoidance mechanism. As noted, we cannot simply smile our problems away, we must face them. “Emotions are data,” says David. “They are not good or bad. They are signposts to things we care about” [11]. It’s important that we don’t shun those signposts in order to search for a non-existing, more positive road.
Toxic positivity in the workplace
Toxic positivity can be extremely harmful in the workplace. In Forbes, founder and CEO of the Compliance Search Group Jack Kelly has written of the process of “glossing”, which he defines as a form of toxic positivity that “occurs when managers, in an attempt to maintain a positive atmosphere, downplay or ignore significant challenges rather than addressing them head-on” [12]. He says this phenomenon trickles down from the leadership to the workforce and that, while bosses might believe they are alleviating anxieties and preserving workplace culture by projecting an image of “everything is fine,” this approach often backfires. “Instead of fostering a truly positive environment, it creates a disconnect between leadership and employees, leaving workers feeling unseen and ignored. This misguided strategy ultimately undermines trust, stifles open communication and can lead to a deterioration of workplace morale and productivity.”
This is backed up in the data. According to a recent Leadership IQ poll, only 15% of workers feel that their organisation consistently communicates to them the challenges it faces [13]. Meanwhile, only 24% of respondents reported that their leader always encourages and acknowledges suggestions for improvement, while 16% said that their leader never does this. Health Canal founder Erik Pham makes the case that this glossing culture, in which reality is shunned in favour of what he calls “eternal optimism”, represents a “cavalier attitude” to business in which employees end up failing to take responsibility for their failures and mistakes. [14]
Cat Colella-Graham, a coach at Coaching for Communicators, says that part of the problem is that workplaces have come to reward what she calls “culture carriers”, who serve as corporate cheerleaders, offering fake smiles and unrelenting positivity to every workplace issue rather than addressing it head on [15]. If change is to take place, it has to be grounded in reality and it has to start at the top.
The solution to toxic positivity
Writing in The Atlantic, Scott Barry Kaufman argues that the antidote to toxic positivity is “tragic optimism,” a phrase coined by the existential-humanistic psychologist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl [16]. “Tragic optimism,” Kaufman argues, “involves the search for meaning amid the inevitable tragedies of human existence, something far more practical and realistic during these trying times.” Tragic optimism essentially equals a form of gratitude, albeit one that is not concentrated exclusively on the happy aspects of life. In other words, rather than feeling grateful for your family or good health, you would make the effort to say that you are grateful for any suffering you have faced, or that you are grateful for certain people who have caused you pain. “Gratitude as a fleeting emotion can come and go, but gratefulness, or “existential gratitude,” can pervade your entire life, throughout its ups and downs,” he writes. [17]
To avoid falling into the trap of toxic positivity, the Anxiety & Depression Association of America recommends avoiding words like “should” or “must”. Thinking that you “should” feel better or “must” be more positive is setting an expectation that is unhelpful. Meanwhile, if someone else is telling you their problem, avoid offering them advice –– not just of the “cheer up” variety but all advice; most of the time people just want someone to listen. The best thing you can do is be there for them and ask if there is anything you can do.
Avoiding toxic positivity
In conclusion, while fostering positivity in the workplace is generally beneficial, it’s crucial to recognise the fine line between real, helpful positivity and toxic positivity. The latter can stifle genuine emotions, hinder personal and professional growth, and create a disconnect between leadership and employees. As businesses strive to cultivate healthy environments, they must balance encouraging optimism with allowing space for authentic, sometimes difficult, emotional experiences. Embracing “tragic optimism” and fostering open, honest communication can lead to a more resilient and supportive workplace culture. By acknowledging both the challenges and triumphs, organisations can avoid the pitfalls of toxic positivity and build truly positive and empathetic environments. No matter what Monty Python say, sometimes it’s okay not to look on the bright side of life.
More On Optimism
Optimism is a Force Multiplier
How to cultivate confidence into a superpower with Ian Robertson – Podcast
Performing Under Pressure with Hendrie Weisenger – Podcast
Sources
[1] https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/z64yn9q
[3] https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-positivity-5093958
[4] https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/08/tragic-optimism-opposite-toxic-positivity/619786/
[5] Nosferatu (2024). Robert Eggers.
[6] https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/z64yn9q
[16] https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/08/tragic-optimism-opposite-toxic-positivity/619786/
[17] https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/08/tragic-optimism-opposite-toxic-positivity/619786/
About the author
