Six Negotiation Myths That Might Be Costing You
Introduction
Negotiation is often perceived as an art mastered only by a select few, but in reality success in negotiations is determined less by natural talent and more by learned skills. The problem is that many of these skills are misunderstood, mainly thanks to persistent myths that lead people to adopt counterproductive strategies. Whether you’re negotiating a salary, a contract, or a business deal, falling for these myths can cost you money, opportunities, and valuable relationships. This article exposes some of the most damaging negotiation myths and offers some expert-backed alternatives to help you secure better deals. But don’t worry, we won’t be quoting from The Art of the Deal…
Myth 1: ‘Win-Win’ is always the best outcome
The term ‘win-win’ is often thrown around as the gold standard in negotiations, but the reality is more complex. While mutually beneficial agreements are ideal, the pursuit of ‘win-win’ can sometimes lead negotiators to concede too much, too soon. You may want what’s best for your negotiating partners, but that doesn’t mean they want what’s best for you. A study by Harvard Business School backs this up. It found that negotiators who aim for ‘win-win’ tend to reveal too much information too early, weakening their bargaining position [1]. In contrast, skilled negotiators focus on value creation and value claiming. This means understanding when collaboration is beneficial and when a more assertive approach is required.
Instead of focusing solely on the idea of a perfect ‘win-win,’ it’s better to assess the situation strategically. If there’s room to expand the pie — meaning, creating value that both parties can enjoy — then a win-win approach may be applicable. But if it’s about splitting existing resources, focusing on the claim might take precedence. Being overly optimistic about ‘win-win’ scenarios can lead to failure if one party gives too much.
The Fix: Instead of blindly aiming for a ‘win-win’ outcome, assess the situation carefully. Are there opportunities to expand the pie before dividing it? Can you trade something of low value to you for something of high value from the other party? Strategic thinking should take precedence over feel-good platitudes. Be ready to recognise the difference between negotiation opportunities where collaboration is key and where a more aggressive stance is necessary.
Myth 2: The first offer should always come from the other side
Many people believe that letting the other party make the first offer provides an advantage by giving insight into their expectations. However, research on ‘anchoring bias’ suggests otherwise.
Anchoring bias occurs when the first piece of information provided in a negotiation serves as a psychological anchor, influencing all subsequent discussion. Research shows that the first offer has a disproportionate impact on the final agreement. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that the first offer in a negotiation heavily influences the final outcome, with those making the initial offer often securing better deals [2]. This is because the first figure presented acts as a psychological anchor, shaping the negotiation around it.
The initial offer sets the stage for success. Simon Bedard, CEO at Exit Advisory Group, offers some strategies in Forbes as to how to make sure your first move is strong [3]. Firstly, aim high but not outlandishly so. Bedard says you want to give yourself negotiation room without alienating the other party with unrealistic figures. He highlights how setting a high anchor gives you room for compromise, allowing the negotiation to proceed with a better outcome. Another tactic is using precise numbers instead of round ones — $497,000 rather than $500,000, for example — which can suggest you’ve done thorough valuation homework. This level of detail can be persuasive because it implies a well-founded rationale behind the offer. Research has shown that this technique increases the likelihood of your position being taken seriously and accepted.
The Fix: Rather than waiting for the other party, make the first offer — provided you’ve done your research. Setting an ambitious yet reasonable anchor forces the negotiation to start on your terms and increases the likelihood of a favourable outcome. Additionally, when you make that first offer, refrain from revealing all your cards. Hold back some concessions until later stages of the negotiation. The exchange should be gradual, which helps maintain leverage.
Lastly, understand when to reveal certain cards by withholding some concessions until later stages; let them unfold gradually as part of strategic exchange rather than laying everything out from the start. Your aim should always be a deal that feels like success on both sides — one where neither walks away feeling short-changed but empowered by fair play and mutual respect cultivated throughout discussions.
Myth 3: You should always mirror the other party’s behaviour
Popular negotiation advice suggests that mirroring — subtly copying gestures, tone, posture and speech patterns — helps build rapport and increases the chances of reaching an agreement. While there is some truth to this, excessive mirroring can backfire if it appears insincere or manipulative.
A 2022 study found that while subtle mirroring can enhance trust, overt mirroring often leads to discomfort and suspicion [4]. Overuse of this technique can make the other party feel as if they are being manipulated, reducing overall trust. When you mirror someone too much, the person can feel like they’re being played. People are perceptive, and if they sense something isn’t authentic, they will often disengage.
The Fix: Build rapport naturally through active listening and genuine engagement rather than mechanically copying the other person’s behaviour. Negotiations work best when the two sides foster a genuine connection. You don’t have to make a new best friend, but at least treat your negotiating partner with sufficient respect to not pretend to be what you’re not.
Myth 4: More information equals more power
While preparation is crucial, the belief that more information always leads to better outcomes is misleading. Overloading the negotiation with too many details can overwhelm the other party or cause ‘analysis paralysis,’ delaying decisions.
Research shows that negotiators who focus on a few key arguments rather than an exhaustive list tend to be more persuasive [5]. When there’s too much information on the table, the negotiation can become muddled, and the focus shifts away from key issues, which weakens your bargaining position. Rather than overwhelming the other party with all of your data and background, focus on presenting the most relevant points that directly support your case.
The Fix: Focus on delivering a concise, compelling argument supported by a few strong data points rather than bombarding the other side with excessive details. Instead of listing all possible reasons why you deserve a salary increase, for example, concentrate on the key achievements that demonstrate your value to the company.
Myth 5: Negotiation is about dominance
Some people approach negotiation as a zero-sum game, believing that the most aggressive party wins. We’ve all seen this ‘hardball’ mindset reinforced by Hollywood portrayals of tough negotiators who dominate discussions and force concessions.
However, research by the American social scientist Adam Galinsky found that aggressive negotiators often achieve short-term wins but damage long-term relationships, leading to lost business opportunities [6]. Collaboration and flexibility, on the other hand, secure better long-term results because they build trust and foster positive relationships. Strong, enduring partnerships are built through respect and mutual understanding, not by forcing someone into a corner.
The Fix: Instead of focusing solely on winning at all costs, balance assertiveness with relationship-building. The best negotiators know when to push and when to listen. By prioritising trust and respect over dominance, you can achieve better long-term results and build relationships that lead to future opportunities. Globally renowned negotiation expert William Ury suggests ‘going to the balcony’ before any negotiation, by which he means taking a step back to gain perspective [7]. By ‘going to the balcony’, you can get an idea of what it is you actually want. That way, once you’re in the negotiation, you don’t waste your time on peacocking power battles, instead you can commit to pursuing your clear and specific goals. Leave the posturing to the other side.
Myth 6: Negotiation is all about price
Price is often the focal point of negotiations, but an excessive focus on it can lead to missed opportunities. Deals often fail not because of price disputes, but because negotiators ignore other crucial factors such as timelines, terms, added value, and relationship quality.
In his book Negotiating the Impossible, Deepak Malhotra found that negotiators who broaden the discussion beyond price achieve better outcomes [8]. By expanding the conversation to include service levels, guarantees, and delivery terms, you increase the likelihood of finding common ground. Focusing on price alone can lead to a ‘race to the bottom,’ where one party ultimately feels short-changed. Negotiating for value, however, ensures that both parties walk away satisfied with the terms.
The Fix: Instead of fixating on price, explore other negotiable elements. If price reductions aren’t possible, consider requesting better payment terms, added features, or exclusive benefits that increase the deal’s overall value. Often, offering non-monetary benefits can help create a deal that’s more satisfactory to both sides.
Overcoming the myths
Negotiation success is not about following outdated maxims or playing psychological games. It’s about understanding the real dynamics at play, leveraging research-backed strategies, and being flexible in your approach. As William Ury suggests, “The key mistake people make when navigating conflict at work is not taking the time to negotiate with themselves first” [9]. By abandoning these common myths and embracing proven negotiation techniques, you can avoid costly mistakes and secure better outcomes in business and beyond.
More on Negotiation
A Master Class in Negotiation with Simon Horton – Podcast
Rules for Top Executives: Mastering the Art of Job Offer Negotiation
How to Argue and Why we Should
Sources
[1] https://hbr.org/2015/12/emotion-and-the-art-of-negotiation
[2] https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/0022-3514.81.4.657
[4] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34541953/
[5] https://www.rhetoricinstitute.edu.gr/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/fisher-getting-to-yes.pdf
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